We’ve all been there – Flat-hunting in London – But why is it so difficult?!?!
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1. Huge city, flats everywhere, this should be fine.
2. 10 weeks to find a place. They says its too early to look…I’ll just have a cheeky look on Rightmove.
3. Fuck. There is nothing in my price range. At all. I’m going to have to win the lottery in the next 10 weeks.
4. 8 weeks to go. Ok, this is when they say to look. Off to the agencies.
5. I have told approximately 500000 people what I am looking for. They have nothing.
6. Ok, the 500001st person I spoke to has just given me the brochure for the most gorgeous flat. In the budget, fits the brief, I must see it NOW. This was very easy.
7. That photographer needs a raise. How can he possibly make that shithole look as gorgeous as it did!?
8. I’m never going to find anything. I’m opening the gin.
9. Hangover from hell – guess I’d better get back out there.
10. Ok, I know I’m looking for a flat, but I have got 38 missed calls, all from London numbers I don’t know.
11. Taking me to see something double my budget is a waste of your time as well as mine, mate!
12. This would be so much easier if I had more money.
13. I need another job.
14. Why is London so expensive?
15. This would be easier if I had a boyfriend.
16. Thinking about it – That’s not fair! The coupled-up of the world get to share rent!!
17. Why do you get to live in a nicer place just because you have a boyfriend?!?! Surely thats “single-ist”?
18. At least when I find somewhere I get all the wardrobe space.
19. Fuck. More gin please.
20. I’ve literally seen 357 properties and they are all terrible – some of these you’d literally have to pay me to stay one night in – not pay out 80% of my income just to sleep in a mouse-ridden cupboard…
21. Going to more agencies in the morning.
22. All the new agencies say I’m cutting it really fine with 6 weeks to go.
23. But they all told me not to look until 8 weeks.
24. Shit. I think even more gin may be required.
25. Maybe I could move back in with my parents for a bit…
26. I could commute….it’s only 3 hours.
27. It’s got to that point. I’m doing a desperate Facebook post.
28. What if I actually don’t find something?
29. Don’t think like that. Something will come up.
30. Just got a call. There’s something amazing just come on the market – I’m abandoning my cereal and going NOW.
31. It was the same shithole the amazing photographer got his hands and his fish-eye lens on!
32. Damn you London Flats!
33. Facebook has come up with nothing except one middle aged man offering me half a bed in his flat! I’m gonna leave that one I think….
34. Though it’s nice to know I have an option…!
35. Resorting to twitter is too much, right? Telling people I don’t really know that I’m going to be homeless….not great in the grand scheme of things…
36. How am I supposed to know what is going on if I constantly have 57 voicemail messages?
37. Do letting agents club together and all call at the same time so the majority go to voicemail?
38. YES, I AM STILL LOOKING! Calling to ask me this is not reassuring.
39. Shit. 5 weeks to go. Everything on the market is for 8 weeks time.
40. What am I going to do?
42. ooooohhh! Phone call from an agency I forgot I’d even spoken to! They have something to show me.
43. On my way. Please let it be good….
44. It’s gorgeous!!
45. Ok, I’ve just left the flat – I love it. I want it. Oh, I have to make an offer right now? Umm….ok!
46. What do you mean, “There’s another offer on the table?” Why are you still showing it if someone has already offered?!?!
47. Oh, the stress! Best pour myself a G&T and cross everything…
48. Been asked to offer more…it was already at the top of my budget… Well, I guess I don’t need food or heating – Here, have all my money, just give me the flat!!
49. Waiting is fun…..NOT!! I need to win now. I will offer whatever it takes, I can’t go through this any more!
50. YES!!! I have a gorgeous new flat! I move in 4 weeks! I might have to sell a kidney to be able to pay the extortionate amount (way out of my budget) that I was forced to offer, but I will have a roof over my head. YAY!
Based on a true story… That may or may not have happened to me…
I promise, that is the end of the house-move related posts! 🙂